People Of Walmart

Who are the people of Walmart?

Funny you should ask. According to the founders, The People Of Walmart blog was created in 2009 after its creators took a trip to a South Carolina Walmart and noticed a woman who “looked like a stripper” in a T-shirt that read “go f*** yourself” while accompanied by a two-year-old. Since then they’ve been bringing us the best of the worst that Walmart has to offer.

And It turns out, Walmart shoppers are still as unfortunate as ever. 

Walmart is still where people don’t worry about looks or etiquette. Walmart is still where people are free. Walmart is still America, Jack! If you don’t like it, then… make sure you take your camera. There’s some pretty funny stuff going on there.

And if you’re ever wondering “how should I act in public?” then you’re probably one of those stuck-up Target shoppers.

From R-rated shoppers to full-on nude shoppers, and every trashy, weird, and obscene thing in-between, here are some of our “favorite” funny people of Walmart.

“No bag, thank you. I’ll wear it now.”

See if you can spot it…

Finally, a spoon big enough for the amount of cereal I eat.

Some people were born with a silver spoon in their mouths. Others had to go out and work hard to get that spoon. First, we get the money. Then, we get the spoons. Then, we get a significant other who’s cool with us wearing a big spoon as jewelry.

I don’t know much about fashion per se, but I do know if you’re not Flavor Flav, you should think twice about wearing oversized household items as a necklace. I’m basing this on my normal clothing decisions, like wearing the same pair of jeans for a whole month without washing them. Anyway, you do you, buddy!

They found love in a hopeless place.

Some people are so codependent they can’t be out of each others’ arms for even a moment. Even when they’re shopping. It’s nice to see people who can get along this well, but there’s a difference between wanting to and needing to do something like this. I’m guessing it’s the latter.

Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe they’re literally attached at the hip because of some botched surgery. Or maybe they don’t know each other at all. They met in the Walmart parking lot, and said “I want to get to know you for the next 30 minutes while I shop for a new lasso.” He is a cowboy after all. And they have everything there. I hope they had a nice time.

Never go to the grocery store hungry, they say.

Let the world know your two favorite things.

If a friend asked what three things I’d want on a deserted island, I would say “doughnuts, pizza, and my doughnut-and-pizza-themed clothes.” For me, wearing clothes with my favorite food on them is redundant. People can see my tired eyes, my gut, and my big beard. They know I’m a pizza lover already. 

I only hope the person in this photo asked for help at the register finding more clothes that match his current outfit. The clerk probably ran to the back to find an ice cream hoodie and slippers that look like hotdogs. If not, then why even go shopping at Walmart? Go do anything else.

In the early days of COVID, masks were harder to come by, so some Walmart shoppers just improvised.

Wonder if he even realizes that he’s a super-spreader now?

Hear me out: What if Slenderman weren’t slender at all?

This person is in the electronics and video game aisle because he loves playing games. With your head! He loves walking right behind you. Amazingly, someone saw Large Slenderman and snapped a photo. I assume the person who took this photo is now dead. Unless they walked at a normal pace to getaway. Then, they probably made it safely out of the store without incident.

He is the best-dressed person in the store, though. There’s no denying it. 

These emotional support animals are getting out of control.

Call me old fashioned, but I remember a time when people went shopping without a goat on their back. You left the goat at home to deal with your recycling. By the time you got home for the store, all your cans were gone, and you could celebrate by drinking all the beer you bought, and leaving the cans for the goat to eat the next day. Now, people are doing this:

The goat looks like it’s whispering to this woman what she missed from her shopping list. Even if the goat is helping you shop, maybe get a leash instead of a BabyBjörn. Otherwise, people are going to think you had a baby with a goat. It might be impossible, sure. But people will think it.

Ahoy, neckbeard. Hope he’s here to pick up some discount razors.

The sign does “say wear a mask” so technically you’re not wrong.

There’s a fine line between self-care and just giving up. And boy does she walk that line hard.

You look surprised we included you in this list. Oh, you always look surprised?

What if your emotional support animal is another person? Here’s a solution.

“I keep my man on a tight leash.” is not something I ever thought would be said literally. Clearly, this is consensual, but I hope one of the greeters at Walmart at least asked if that was the case. “Hi, just making sure you’re in some kind of sub/dom relationship, and not being held against your will. Thank you. Have a lovely day.”

I wonder if he’s housebroken or if they needed to clean up a few aisles after this couple walked through. 

Happy? Check. Protected from a deadly virus? Not so much.

Walmart sells “duck crossing” signs for this exact situation.

If you’re wondering “what pet is right for me?” The answer is a “cat.” If you have to spend time thinking it through, you’re not ready for the struggle that is having a pet with a lot of upkeep. If, however, you’re sitting and thinking I want a “raccoon as a pet,” you might as well go out and get one. You love animals and it doesn’t matter what people think about your choice. I’m assuming that’s what happened with this woman and her pet duck…

Imagine this woman going up to a greeter and saying “do you allow pets in the store?” and then walking in with her duck. The saddest part? This photo is from a shopping trip for Christmas Eve Dinner. Traditionally, you eat duck that night. This lady is a complete quack. All right. We get it.

Wet hair, don’t care.

People who shop at Walmart don’t have time to wait until their hair is completely dry to continue with their day. They are movers and shakers. They have business to attend to. As you can see, this woman isn’t even taking the time to look where she’s going. She’s got deals to make, emails to answer, and, I’m guessing, a tanning booth appointment later. Her hair is the least of her worries.

The fashion at Walmart has no limits. You think it’s going to be a bunch of people wearing “I’m With Stupid” T-shirts, but then you go in and see hoodies that support everything from local high school football teams to local NFL teams. She genuinely looks like she’s having a nice day, and I hope this is how we all dress from now on.

Why not get married at the place that means the most to you?

You can buy her the diamond ring at Walmart. You can propose over the intercom. Why not have the most romantic day of your life in the store itself? The something blue is already there all over the signage. The old, the new are the TVs (some are opened), and the something borrowed is the money you charged on your Walmart credit card for the arch.

I would have never been this calm in a store as a kid. It’s very sweet that they did this for their parents. I wonder if they were bribed with a trip to the toy section if they were quiet for the ceremony. I also wonder if anyone grabbed a bag of rice and started throwing it. Walmart has everything you need for a flawless wedding!

The one that got away.

We’ve seen people on leashes. We’ve seen ducks on leashes. But this is the scariest of all: someone on a leash who clearly was abandoned or escaped. This is like a still from a horror movie. I’m worried she’ll turn around and be a vampire or, you know, super attractive. Then I’ll really have to do some thinking about judging the people in this store.

Maybe she still thinks someone is holding the leash? I wonder when she’ll realize she’s free.

“No bag, thank you. I’ll wear it now.”

I hope this was a purchase made in the store. Perhaps an impulse buy. Otherwise, a guy woke up and thought “I gotta let the world know that I love dolphins.” This photos is the weirdest thing I’ve ever seen involving a porpoise, and I watched a documentary about a woman who had a romantic relationship with one. 

Now that I’m looking at it again, if he never addressed the fact that he was wearing a dolphin on his head, it’s a really bit. Walking in, buying a saw, giving his credit card and saying “Flipper through the machine, please.” Yes. It’s good. Good job, Sir.

This person belongs at Hot Topic, not Walmart.

What exactly, is this person going for? A Christmas sweater, hipster jeans, and hair from a Tim Burton film. I’m afraid to leave the house without the right shoes on. I envy people who do not care what others think.

If Aerosmith put out a Christmas album, this is sorta what the Steven Tyler promotional cutout would look like in the store. 

Should we call somebody about this?

I guess they probably didn’t put a warning on the plastic bags, so who can you blame for this, really? This woman seems a little forgetful. I only hope the kid eventually made it onto the belt, and the clerk had to ask what kind of vegetable was in the bag. It’s a person.

I hope this photo didn’t suck the air out of the room for you. We’re here to have fun. I’m sure that child is fine. By fine, I mean “still alive.” I don’t have any other information about how her life is going.

Sadly, that’s the monkey from the movie Outbreak (1995).

If we want to stop people from catching diseases from animals, we have to stop eating them. We also should probably stop keeping them as pets. This many is clearly comfortable with a monkey getting all up in his business. He’s also comfortable with letting his fellow patrons of the store get up close and personal with his monkey.

At least he put a diaper on him? That’s courteous. Another idea is that you could leave your pets at home while you’re out shopping. Especially if it’s a pet that’s capable of hurting other people. Or using tools. Or evolving into a species that will one day overtake human beings.

Who needs to buy a hammock, when the carts are free?

Taking a nap is difficult for me. There’s so much I have to get done on any given day. I have to walk my dog, I have to work, I have to shop for groceries. It never occurred to me, though, that I could do all of these and nap at the same time. 

For some people, Walmart is a place that offers everything, including a little self-care. Why go all the way home before taking a siesta? Bring the whole family. Bring the pet duck. There are enough sleeping carts to go around.

In space, no one can hear you get COVID.

Social distancing hack!

Uhh, is that cat ok?

Lady, this isn’t Petsmart, but we’ll allow it!

Bringing a pet to the store with you is one thing. Bring all your pets, however, is another. Maybe these are merely her best-behaved dogs. The others are at home because they’re not Walmart-trained yet. I have no complaints about seeing dogs anywhere, so I’ll let it slide. Still… why?

Crazy that there have been more humans on leashes in this list than dogs on leashes. Though, a shopping cart is technically a crate. Why not put the dogs in there? They all seem like good boys.

My mother always told me to wear clean underwear in case this happened.

Getting caught with your pants down is one thing, but getting caught without pants or a shirt is bad. I’m guessing this person was arrested for something unrelated to the dress code. After all, we’ve all seen weirder at stores. I feel naked without multiple layers on. This guy took a different route.

It’s nice to see people share similar interests too. Whatever the security guards saw on this day, it brought them all together. Don’t know why it took four of them to stop one unclothed man, but here we are. Thank you for your service.

Party in the back, nothing in the front.

A simply stunning choice. I love to go to my barber and say: “give me the Reverse Airbender.” Yes, I want to look like Aang but only from the back. I would continue to make fun of this person, but there’s a good chance he’s a black belt in karate.

I hope he’s growing what’s left to help a child in need of a ponytail. Very nice.

If you have to ask, you can’t afford it.

I’ve always wanted a pair of Uggs. They make them for men! If no one in my family can afford to get them for me, however, I will settle for a pair of knockoffs. I’d rather have a pair of Agg Boots than these though:

Someone in NYC once sold me a pair of “Roy Bands” on the street. It wasn’t until I got home that I realized the frames were cracked. Otherwise, I would have worn them forever. Who cares about name brands? Well, this person who wrote the name on the boots, clearly. 

Another accidental Renaissance painting.

This photo has it all. A man who’s beginning to look like his pet, plenty of color in the background, and of course, a baby looking on in wonder at the insanity around him. Wait- is… anyone watching that baby? I was distracted by the ferret. 

Again, leave the leash at home. You have one hand for shopping and one hand for holding your ferret and one hand for steering your cart. Wait. No. One hand for the ferret, ask a person near you to get your groceries. Ah, yes. That’s the way.

A man who is clearly not allowed within 500 feet of a child celebrates every holiday at once.

If Willy Wonka were a real person, he’d be in jail. This is the closest person we have. Clearly, the photo was taken around Easter, but our man decided to dress like a Christmas tree to go pick up some stuff at the store. I don’t want to assume he did this all for the attention. Maybe it was a punishment of some kind.

I dressed like this for a weird play in college. It had the desired effect. People laughed and were frightened at the same time. Not sure why you would dress like this while going about your day. He looks like a walking carnival game, complete with prizes. I wouldn’t be surprised if someone randomly threw a dart at him.

Bro, we know it was you.

You don’t need the shirt. The haircut says it all. You’re the reason it smells over here.

I hope you’ve spoken to a doctor about this issue. Seems like something you want to address sooner rather than later. It only takes a second to read the shirt. Are you really farting every second of every day? Do you wear this shirt on days you drank an IPA? Or is this issue an everyday occurrence? Get back to me, please. I’m worried.

Another day, another bearded dragon crawling on someone’s head at the store.

We all have a reptilian part of the brain within us. Some people wear that part on their sleeve. Or on their head. Reptiles are cool. They eat live bugs. I’m guessing there are bugs in this woman’s hair and she keeps the lizard around to get rid of them. There’s literally no other excuse for this.

“Mmm, is that a new shampoo you’re using?” -this woman’s bearded dragon.

Sleep, my child.

Weird that the pet monkeys are being treated better at Walmart than some of the children. He looks comfortable. No leash needed. Just the warm embrace of the woman who feeds him (I’m guessing that yogurt is all for him).

What an exhausting day of climbing strangers in the Walmart aisles he’s had. He deserves a nap. Even when he sleeps he can scare a few people who thought he was a human baby being swaddled.

This is the only reason to have kids. To help you run errands.

There was a time in this country when another child wasn’t merely another mouth the feed, but another hand to help you out on the farm. Now that many of us have left the farm life behind, having a child is like having a personal assistant, right? 

My mother used to sternly warn me that I was “pushing it” whenever I said something snide. I never thought I’d see a kid literally pushing it. And by it, I mean his mom in a shopping cart. I hope that’s his mom. If it’s the babysitter, she’s about to get fired.

Plunging into the darkest depths of human existence.

Just because you’re getting groceries doesn’t mean you can’t have fun! There’s a thin line between having a good time, and exhausting everyone else around you with your B.S. If I saw these people at Walmart, I’d maybe pick a different aisle to try first.

Sadly, there’s no price tag on a few of these. They might just be plungers they found in the bathrooms. I pray this is not the case. But, from what I’ve seen in this store, I can’t put it past them.

Never wear sandals with socks!

Let those toes breathe, girl! You need to show off that pedicure! I’m guessing these were the wrong size and someone improvised, but I’d also like to think these are brand new shoes found in the store and they “fixed” the issue they had with them before purchasing the shoes.

I’m mostly surprised we arrived at this photo before we saw anyone fully barefoot in the store. I think people know better. No shirt, no shoes, no service. But what about half a shoe and half a shirt. That’s pretty common at Walmart.

This is the American version of serving sushi on a nude model. 

Get the beef, baby. Get all that beef. If you’re buying groceries, you’re likely in a hurry. I might not even notice the person hiding under the raw meat until I uncovered his face. I’m busy! It’s best to ignore this kind of thing and check your list to see if you remembered everything.

On Supermarket Sweep, if you can get a whole person into your cart, you automatically win, I think. Please don’t hold me to that. Also, please don’t nap in the meat fridge. It’s unsanitary. That’s what the carts are for!

I thought this was another pet at first. Nope. Just hair.

If you don’t wash your hair, it supposedly can form knots or dreadlocks. I have no idea how a person gets one solid dreadlock. I’m full of dread. Every day of my life. And yet, all that happens to me is that my hair falls out after turning white. This person’s hair took a different route.

I guess it would come in handy if you got in a fight. You could protect yourself with a thick piece of hair. It’s also great if you want to join the bring-your-pet shopping crowd. They’d never believe it’s not another animal on your head.

Walmart is the Hydra of chain stores, so this is sad to see.

Captain America loves video games. It’s a known fact. He’s even in a few. So why wouldn’t you catch him in the electronics section making a purchase? He deserves a break. He’s saved cities, whole planets from destruction. Let him have this.

Not all heroes wear capes. Some wear blue shirts and talk you through why your card was denied. While Superman fights for Truth, Justice, and The American Way, Captain America fights for those great deals!

They sell everything at this store!

I kid, of course. They don’t sell kids at Walmart. They’re free. Just take one. I’m joking. Don’t do that. Also, don’t put a whole child on the belt at the register. It’s nearly as bad as sleeping in the meat fridge. Other people have to use that, and you just put a kid on there. Now they have to disinfect it before the person behind you in line catches a cold from him.

Again, the carts are there for napping. Not the register. If your child is too bored and tired to finish shopping with you, let him take a bike off the rack in the back and let him ride it around while you finish. 

Put her in the Guinness Book of World Records for the weirdest thing I’ve ever seen at Walmart 

No, thanks! Really. No. That’s not- I don’t… No. No, no, no. Please. Stop.

I just want to live in a world where I didn’t see this. I want to go back in time, and be free of this image. How does she shop? I guess she can poke stuff off a high shelf but then how does she pick it up off the floor? How does she sign her name after charging what she buys. I have more questions than answers. There are two versions of me. The version who never saw this and is living a happy life now, and me in this timeline. Woe unto us all.

America… F**k Yeah! This guy gets it.

Tell the world how you feel with your clothing. This person feels patriotic as hell. This is exactly what the founding fathers wanted from us. They said if you drop the flag, you have to burn it out of respect. And if you have extra flag… make it into a body suit.

I just counted them, and there are too many stars on those pants. That’s because this guy’s from the future. America is going to add a few hundred more states by 2050.

Just when you thought the most embarrassing thing was toilet paper stuck to your shoe…

This woman is obsessed with her beauty regimen. She’s finding the perfect foundation, maybe some concealer. Unfortunately, she forgot to conceal the paper hanging out of her pants.

I know the pain she must feel. I once left my fly down for an entire day at school and no one said anything, even after all the tissues I put down there started falling out. I was stuffing it for medical reasons, not to show off! Jeez. I’m better than that.

This kid’s summer job was being a brake on a shopping cart. Very sad.

The economy is doing fine for people on Wall Street, but what about the regular folks who have to go looking for real jobs? Like this child who only had experience using his head to stop stuff. He’s stopped baseballs and footballs with it, and now he’s stopping a cart. Good work if you can get it.

The world is a strange place when a case of Coca-Cola is being treated better than a kid. I remember a simpler time when children put their grandparents in the cart and pushed them around the store. Now, kids have to become part of the cart. Sad.

Come on ride the train… hey, ride it!

When you can’t make it to a carnival to enjoy the bumper cars, you can always bring the bumper cars to you. What’s the worst that could happen (besides serious bodily harm?). No one’s going to stop you. If they try, just drive away.

I like to imagine only the scooter in the far back is working, and so a kind deed is being done in this photo. One woman is pushing people through the store to get their shopping done. Sadly, I think they’re just messing around.

Still thirsty for more? Ok, you got it…